Why do I cut myself every time I shave? This question has been haunting me for years, and it’s a habit that I’ve tried to break multiple times but have failed. Shaving is a mundane task for most people, but for me, it’s a source of anxiety and pain. The moment I pick up the razor, I’m reminded of the fear and the self-harm that has become an inseparable part of my life.
Shaving has always been a difficult experience for me. As a teenager, I started to develop body dysmorphia, which is a mental health condition where a person has an intense preoccupation with body image and a belief in an imagined flaw. For me, this flaw was my skin, and I constantly felt the need to cover it up with layers of clothing. Shaving became a ritual that I associated with pain and self-harm, as I felt the need to punish myself for feeling imperfect.
Over the years, I’ve tried to break the cycle of self-harm, but it’s been a challenging journey. The first step was to recognize the underlying cause of my behavior. I sought help from a therapist, who helped me understand that my self-harm was a coping mechanism to deal with the stress and anxiety I felt about my body image. Shaving became a trigger for these feelings, and I would unconsciously cut myself as a way to express my pain and frustration.
Understanding the root cause of my behavior was the first step towards recovery, but it wasn’t enough. I had to find healthier ways to cope with my anxiety and stress. My therapist recommended mindfulness and meditation practices, which helped me become more aware of my thoughts and emotions. I also started to exercise regularly, which not only improved my physical health but also boosted my self-esteem.
However, breaking the habit of cutting myself during shaving is still a work in progress. I’ve found that I need to be extra vigilant when I’m about to shave, as the urge to harm myself can still be overwhelming. I’ve also started to use electric razors instead of blades, as they are less likely to cause injury. Additionally, I’ve made a conscious effort to create a positive association with shaving by using high-quality products and enjoying the ritual of taking care of myself.
Despite the challenges, I’m determined to break the cycle of self-harm and move forward with my life. I’ve come to realize that the pain I feel when I cut myself is not a reflection of my worth or beauty but rather a sign of my struggle to accept myself. By addressing the root cause of my self-harm and finding healthier ways to cope, I’m taking steps towards healing and self-acceptance. And as I continue to work on myself, I hope to one day answer the question of why I cut myself every time I shave with a simple, confident smile.
